a new post

now, i've got a lot of things to say, but its late and i'm tired. probably gonna say a whole bunch of things i'm gonna edit out. but the last couple of days have been crazy fun and heartwarming, but also terribly heartbreaking.

i feel like i have everything; and even the deep sadness that i feel is actually just the other side of a deep joy and gratitude i have for the friends and family around me. diane, harita, and katie, (and nandan), you guys are the best roommates, maybe even in the history of washu, or just ever. everyday life living with you guys has never been dull, and mundanity is never an option in wheeler 4090. that last day before break was one of the most amazing days ever, but the truth is we were having fun all along. let's just get married. 

the guys (and girl) in millbrooke: you don't even understand.. your suite has been almost like my home away from home; something about you all is so *qing qieh* its a hard to describe. thank you for the good times. it kills me that most of you are graduating this year, and that i won't be able to attend your guys' graduation, but i guess this whole experience about saying goodbye and allowing change to happen has allowed to me to learn just that, even if it was against my will. it was distressing to know that we'll never see each other again under the same circumstances, and that things as they are now will recede into fond memories, but i suppose we all have to live our grown-up lives eventually. and especially you guys too!!! i hate growing up, but i sincerely.. sincerely wish you guys the best. and hopefully you'll still remember the mei-mei you had during your last two years of college :)

arthur: specifically about you. well aren't you special. don't let it get to your head though :P. but really, you're one of my best friends, period. i can say with all certainty that you are one of the coolest people i know, and i do think that wo men hen yo yuan :). [i'm really tired and i dont know how to say all of it but whatever.] i'm close to tears as i write this but, it makes me so sad that i'm leaving for Florence and that you're graduating, but honestly, i can't forsee the future but i think we're gonna be friends for a really long time. 

the floor: vague, but sincere. there are people on this floor who probably don't know how much i value them. and i suppose it isn't helpful that i don't spend time with you as much, that we don't cross paths often, that we've grown apart, or that we only know eachother rather shallowly, i mean it when i say that you are all so dear to me. for whatever reason. and i know next year, we're all going to disperse, and i don't expect to all be as close as we were freshman year, but i really hope that we keep in touch. 

people who have to deal with things: as you probably know already, i have problems with things. but having you there makes me happy. i'm sorry this is where i am with stuff like this, but i guess what i'm trying to say is, i like having you around. and wherever things go, how they turn out, we'll still be good friends :D

the last couple of days have been incredible, and dramatic, and stressful, and full of anxiety from a combination of finals, packing, goodbyes, sudden news and many, many revelations. leaving for a semester has become such a big deal to me, and i wonder why the prospect of five months away can have such a large impact. it's odd saying goodbye.. to people you'll see again, to people you won't, to people who mean a lot, and to people who secretly mean a lot. but it happens, and life continues despite you. and you know, now that i'm back home, seeing my old high school friends, i'm still happy, because honestly, they're really great too. i'm still happy, because i'm a happy person, but it still hurts quite a lot. BUT. you know, i feel like i'm finally starting to (i'm getting there..) look forward. florence will be amazing. and i'm gonna grow so much. and when it's time to leave, i'll probably have to feel all sad again. but life goes on continuously, without skipping a beat. 

and now, i feel like i've said a lot. maybe some things i shouldn't have said, as i feel like i've laid all my emotions out to the public, and put myself up for scrutiny and gossip perhaps, it had to be done before i leave. i realize that i'm probably making this a bigger deal than it is, but i will dislike you for thinking this way, cuz this was hard. 

conclusion: 

to everyone: i've learned a lot from you. thank you thank you thank you. i couldn't ask for more. 

=).. =(..

i guess.. we'll all float on alright, okay. we'll all float on. 

thanksgiving

so for the last couple of weeks, i've been moping around in a rut, complainin' to anyone who would give a listen. it was a lot of basically, "imstressed!" "ineedtogetmyshittogether" and "worstcritiqueEVAR". AND, i've also been sporting a pretty serious fever, which turned out to be pneumonia (hooray!), and has effectively reduced my thanksgiving break from fun sight-seeing of Chicago, to lots of rolling around deliriously in bed (but still in Chicago..! ..?)

there was a point where my fever was up to 104 and i was pretty much an invalid. tumultuously tossing and turning in sheets (that weren't even mine... oh poor hosts ~_~), i felt like my brain was going insane, and there were voices in my head yelling nonsensical things, while the ambulance sirens whirred and whirred down the streets. but. then there was this moment of peace. all of a sudden. everything in that room just stood really still. the large white walls, the shades that hazed the city lights, all slipped into something wonderous. and i could have laid there in those sheets day-dreaming forever. 

i really wish we could all stop like that. and become so deeply immersed into something so fleeting. 

and now i'm finally back, at my desk, working out the game plan for the next couple of hectic days. the fever has more or less subsided, and i'm taking antibiotics for the pneumonia. all in all though, i'd say it was a good break. i came back with a better frame of mind. just gotta watch myself, and not get lost again.

in the air

worst critique ever. it was 'uninteresting'. my use of image as object was unsuccessful. and the worst part of it was that i didn't see it. taste level is questionable. 

for every aspect of my life, i don't know what my next move is. what happened to my unwavering sense of confidence? my self-assurance? and i realized on the bus today how poor i was. i thought i had everything but all of it is proving itself to be my own illusion. 

but i can tell you, dreams lose a lot when they become reality.  

delusions

/edit/

Antonio Lopez Garcia. Sink and Mirror. 1967. sexy as hell. 

/edit/

wood shavings and bed sheets

printmaking seems to be one of those very misunderstood subjects; when i tell people i'm taking it as an elective, and potentially as a major, they usually ask, ...so, what is it? And i guess its just that straightforward: you're making prints, whether it is out of wood, metal, or plastic. the processes are very specific and strict, but because the nature of printmaking is so loosely defined, it can also very dynamic and flexible; you can draw over them, paint over them, cut them out, make a book, etc. it's kinda like watercolor actually; within the strict processes and internal restrictions of the craft, it also offers a certain kind of freedom to play. i dunno. somethin' like that..

so for one of our projects, we have to create a 3-dimensional print and.. well.. i guess i was gonna buy a new sheet set anyways.. i decided to make my own! two birds with one 

stone..hehe (:

(close up the etching)

(lunch.. part of ryan lee's and my muffin exchange)

(patches of hands)

(@ the critique!)

(joy! ^_^)

..ahhhhrt!!!!! and the beginning

before i proceed with this blogging business, i'd first like to humbly welcome you, and thank you for reading this. so really, thank you for being here. (:

while the various happenings in my life are probably totally irrelevent to anything, i guess i appreciate the effort you're taking to follow me around like this; around campus, in the studio, on roofs, under shady trees, and even (next semester) to Florence, Italy!!!!!!! (ASDKLFJL:S!!!! AH EXCITING.. but stressful!?) i guess it's like this: it's an exciting time for me, and i suppose one of the main purposes of this blog is to keep a record for  myself to look back on, but even so, it makes me glad that you, my friends and family, can be in some way, coming along with me.

molto piacere, 

felicia

a Niche of memoirs, october

"who is growing asparaghi in the sink

??"

-d. ma

just general roomie love <3

(because we're just perfect for eachother)

the vice presidential debates!!!!!! at WashU!!! (the one in st. louis :P)

(yeyuuuuuuuuhhh!!!!!!!!!)

(we're a cute bunch :] )

filming the CSA video~

featuring the Jimmys.

CSA @ the banquet  (:

things that have yet to be covered!!!!!!!

-CSA formal 2008, Midnight Blues @ the Old Rockhouse

-some art!!!!!! 

-music, interests, obsessions

-Fall Fashion Show

-the Mom visit :]

autumn love <3

one of my favorite things about st. louis is how incredibly beautiful it gets during the fall. the air is so cold and fresh, everything renewed. 

leaves a-fallin`

the tree in front of my Buddhist Traditions class, Eliot Hall

the south forty 7:45 am

brisk and cold, peaceful, all morning-like

(trees playing shadow puppets on Shepley)

(before the 8 o clock printmaking studio)

you're the plane that draws a white line

across my mind .

: )

first post!

so i've been thinkin.. its about time to start a blog. 

cuz thats the thing to do these days, i guess :P

more entries to come ! 

~felifel