a new post

now, i've got a lot of things to say, but its late and i'm tired. probably gonna say a whole bunch of things i'm gonna edit out. but the last couple of days have been crazy fun and heartwarming, but also terribly heartbreaking.

i feel like i have everything; and even the deep sadness that i feel is actually just the other side of a deep joy and gratitude i have for the friends and family around me. diane, harita, and katie, (and nandan), you guys are the best roommates, maybe even in the history of washu, or just ever. everyday life living with you guys has never been dull, and mundanity is never an option in wheeler 4090. that last day before break was one of the most amazing days ever, but the truth is we were having fun all along. let's just get married. 

the guys (and girl) in millbrooke: you don't even understand.. your suite has been almost like my home away from home; something about you all is so *qing qieh* its a hard to describe. thank you for the good times. it kills me that most of you are graduating this year, and that i won't be able to attend your guys' graduation, but i guess this whole experience about saying goodbye and allowing change to happen has allowed to me to learn just that, even if it was against my will. it was distressing to know that we'll never see each other again under the same circumstances, and that things as they are now will recede into fond memories, but i suppose we all have to live our grown-up lives eventually. and especially you guys too!!! i hate growing up, but i sincerely.. sincerely wish you guys the best. and hopefully you'll still remember the mei-mei you had during your last two years of college :)

arthur: specifically about you. well aren't you special. don't let it get to your head though :P. but really, you're one of my best friends, period. i can say with all certainty that you are one of the coolest people i know, and i do think that wo men hen yo yuan :). [i'm really tired and i dont know how to say all of it but whatever.] i'm close to tears as i write this but, it makes me so sad that i'm leaving for Florence and that you're graduating, but honestly, i can't forsee the future but i think we're gonna be friends for a really long time. 

the floor: vague, but sincere. there are people on this floor who probably don't know how much i value them. and i suppose it isn't helpful that i don't spend time with you as much, that we don't cross paths often, that we've grown apart, or that we only know eachother rather shallowly, i mean it when i say that you are all so dear to me. for whatever reason. and i know next year, we're all going to disperse, and i don't expect to all be as close as we were freshman year, but i really hope that we keep in touch. 

people who have to deal with things: as you probably know already, i have problems with things. but having you there makes me happy. i'm sorry this is where i am with stuff like this, but i guess what i'm trying to say is, i like having you around. and wherever things go, how they turn out, we'll still be good friends :D

the last couple of days have been incredible, and dramatic, and stressful, and full of anxiety from a combination of finals, packing, goodbyes, sudden news and many, many revelations. leaving for a semester has become such a big deal to me, and i wonder why the prospect of five months away can have such a large impact. it's odd saying goodbye.. to people you'll see again, to people you won't, to people who mean a lot, and to people who secretly mean a lot. but it happens, and life continues despite you. and you know, now that i'm back home, seeing my old high school friends, i'm still happy, because honestly, they're really great too. i'm still happy, because i'm a happy person, but it still hurts quite a lot. BUT. you know, i feel like i'm finally starting to (i'm getting there..) look forward. florence will be amazing. and i'm gonna grow so much. and when it's time to leave, i'll probably have to feel all sad again. but life goes on continuously, without skipping a beat. 

and now, i feel like i've said a lot. maybe some things i shouldn't have said, as i feel like i've laid all my emotions out to the public, and put myself up for scrutiny and gossip perhaps, it had to be done before i leave. i realize that i'm probably making this a bigger deal than it is, but i will dislike you for thinking this way, cuz this was hard. 

conclusion: 

to everyone: i've learned a lot from you. thank you thank you thank you. i couldn't ask for more.