Monday, October 12, 2009

tracks.


i have four more weeks until i have to install my work for our second crit and i have so much left to do and to figure out and to experiment.

first of all, the electronics still aren't working. i really don't understand how this is possible because i've seriously been working on it for weeks. i'm not sure if i'm just an idiot.. or if i'm just an idiot. i've probably gone back to the electronics store about four times to get it fixed. but, somehow, something comes loose, or i record the wrong connections, but SOMETHING always goes wrong. i don't know what it is, or else i would've fixed it.. 

secondly, i still haven't learned all of the skills in metal fabrication to make what i want. i will, i guess, but not yet. let alone practicing. and i've heard that precision is something that is very difficult to achieve in metal working, and is yet something necessary to what i'm crafting. 

i'm trying to keep this tenacity, stubbornness even, to  keep going, but amongst all my blindsightedness about this project, it is still laced with this kind of fear of what if it just sucks. if my installation won't express what i want it to, if people just see it just as some stupid carts going up and down (which is really, essentially, what it is), if it isn't interesting enough to withstand a short attention span.. 

but i really cannot think about it like that. just gotta do it. do it do it do it. 


think big, be tenacious. every work is your most ambitious. 


(i feel like i'm getting wrinkles)



Monday, October 5, 2009

a revival in the fall


okay, so i kind of just let this go for a while.


school has started, and the warm summer days are gradually cooling down. i can't wait for the leaves to start changing color, to take out my coats and my scarves and some thick socks.

its been.. i don't even know.

it has been one crazy year.


but basically here i am again, all settled in this familiar place, and i can't put my finger on how things have changed, or how i have changed. i've gone from place to place, country to country.. my body has traveled, my mind has roamed... i've gone through so many moods, so many obstacles, cathedrals and mountains, islands and countrysides, so many challenges that threatened to take me down.. so many moments that filled my vision with chasing light and freedom.. so many memories that have since become a construction of a haven in the back of my mind..

and i have this feeling that i can't stop running.


though i have neglected this blog, i've been religiously recording my travels in a journal. fabricated by hand, this journal is worn and coverless, its pages bending this way and that way.. an active relic of a time passed. here is an excerpt:

it's hot in Paris tonight,
and it's raining
so hard.
I feel warm right through
this loose blouse.

you see, today, there is a rainforest of flies inside of me
and a cliff upon which I am
a tightrope dancer.

and in this night, through the fear between the line and my toe,
i dream of an impossible fantasy on solid ground,
a memory of dappled raindrops
copper colored and gold
projected, lining your face and burning
underneath the street lamp

you will be my comfort.
my illusory shelter from the fall
an open window
to a thunderstorm summer.





Saturday, April 11, 2009

heheyeyaaargh!!!!


it's that one week before final crits and i'm expectedly nervous and stressed. i always write in this blog when i'm feeling whiny, so i'm sorry :P

it's Pasquetta tomorrow and we're planning on attending mass at il Duomo tomorrow. they are reeling around a big ol cart from the 1600s (or so i'm told) around the city in a parade of white bulls, and wrapping it in dynamite and blowing it up!!! the cart, not the animals. so that's what i'll be doing tomorrow morning.

nervvvverververous and stressted. and quite homesick. i want my mom's cooking so badly!!!! and holy cow. i have some really amazing people in my life. i hadn't been checking my mail, and one day i just got three letters and they were just so incredible. i posted them up on the bulliten board above my bed with the others that i had collected... and, it helps :)



Saturday, February 7, 2009

i'm right there, over here.

it's been four weeks since i came to florence. oh, come si dice. it's really incredible here.

we live in a beautiful apartment on la Via Borga della Noce. my bedsheets are lemons, and our non-functioning washing machine is in our bathroom. illegal immigrants from Nigeria sell watches and bags right outside our alley, which opens into il mercato di San Lorenzo, then, the church of San Lorenzo, and five minutes later, the Cathedral, il Duomo, and the Baptistry, with the famous gilded doors of Ghiberti . if we're on our way to our language class, we pass by L'Arno, and il Ponte Vecchio, and if we're on our way to the discotecas or bars on the weekends, we often pass by Chiesa di Santa Croce, where the tombs of Machiavelli, Michelangelo, Dante, Galileo, and other rather important people, are held. and finally, on the way back from a night out, Palazzo Vecchio and the Uffizi. 

of course, we can't go anywhere without passing by at least four caffes. at the *very* least. 

classes are also really amazing. for our drawing class, there was a lecture on the personality of each pencil, the rich dark sensuousness of a 6B, the calm meditation and sharp precision of a 3H, as well as the broad range of qualities of different marks one can make. it made my heart race! and for our theme-sequence class, after every 6 hour studio, i feel as though there was something blooming inside of me, the sense of freedom to explore, to make mistakes, to be truthful and honest. in a dialogue that we read for class, the speaker said that art wasn't about expression anymore, but about inquiry. but not just an inquiry, but a need, for our own humanity, to create something outside ourselves.

this brings me to a running project for the theme-sequence course. we all chose an object, and upon much exploration, gathering, and developing, i've chosen the plushie as a package, something wrapped, an object with specific physical and mechanical properties, as well as much cultural and personal significance. 

here are some points of my exploration: the stuffed animal can be seen as a toy or a plaything. or, it is an object of comfort, something tactile to be fiddled and cuddled with. stuffed toys are also often a marketing strategy; when there is a successful television show or movie, its characters are often made into dolls (for example, Disney characters, Looney Toons, Pokemon, etc.). they become three-dimensional manifestations of cartoon characters. what if they become a portrait of someone real? a materialization of a real identity? plushies can also become collectibles (beanie babies), and even cultural artifacts (hello kitty dolls, raggedy anne, etc.). the personal meanings we often assign to stuffed animals is also very important; they are usually seen as living memory of our childhood, sometimes even specific times or feelings we had when we turned to them for comfort. from this perspective, it’s interesting how a stuffed animal, usually designed for aesthetic and business reasons, can retain so much personality and significance for us. what does this say about our interaction with the inanimate world? and the animate?

other questions: why do we wrap things? what is the purpose of an external skin? is it to protect, or to hide? is it to represent, or transform? why do we wrap presents? and what is the charm behind an ambiguously wrapped package in the mail, even when we know what is inside? do we wrap for aesthetic reasons, because of our inherent desire to beautify things, or because we enjoy the mystery behind something unknown? i'm not looking for an answer, but a point to start looking. and isn't that what it's all about? a new perspective, a metaphor for something bigger?


so far, florence has been a great place of growth. granted i haven't been here long, but i'm slowly getting into the pace of things. and i'm very excited for what's to come. 


sinceremente, felifel!!!


Wednesday, January 7, 2009

the black museum- piece of morbid nostalgia


good afternoon!

i added a new link to "i like". i found the Black Museum a while ago, and it was a match made in heaven; it catered to my appreciation of talk radio and all things strange and grotesque (remember my final 2d project last year? yup. Jerry Brudos was quite a violent man with a fantastic taste in shoes.) it's a great form of macabre entertainment and something you can zone out to while you're writing essays for internships. (:






















enjoy!!

(4 more days!)


Monday, January 5, 2009

rant


home is disorienting for me. i'm never really sure if i ever truly "come back". In some senses, it's really more like i'm "going". 

Like i'm always going places, never returning.

sure, so many things are the same, the house, the climate, the old familiar roads. the usual hang-out spots. and the habits that you revert back to when you're back home. it's only for the small changes like construction work, a friend's new car, a deepening wrinkle in a parent's face, that convince me that time had really passed since i had been gone. but even so, everything is just so damn the same. and it bungles up my thoughts because i can't decide what exactly about it is so... off?

maybe it's like i'm a fish, who has been put in a new pond and evolved, and then plopped back to the old pond. and now i'm this hybrid, really confused fish of old and new. i apologize; what a dumb metaphor. 

its so inexplicable, its frustrating.

---------------------------------------------------

a record of the last couple of days:
found old ass manual camera and got a lens for 90$ (HAH). i love the beach and want to go into the water so. bad. sang to Brand New in Michael's new car. for a moment thought i reverted back to emo music tastes. miss that truck though. rediscovering Stars to be an excellent band. saw the movie Doubt, which was also excellent. Meyrl Strep is incredible. still need to see Benjamin Button, Slumdog, and that Clint Eastwood movie that's out. ate at Gypsy Den. Bought carrot cake. failed at making truffles. ITALY IN LESS THAN A WEEK. am pretty confused. 

oh and applying to internships is really irritating.