rant

home is disorienting for me. i'm never really sure if i ever truly "come back". In some senses, it's really more like i'm "going". 

Like i'm always going places, never returning.

sure, so many things are the same, the house, the climate, the old familiar roads. the usual hang-out spots. and the habits that you revert back to when you're back home. it's only for the small changes like construction work, a friend's new car, a deepening wrinkle in a parent's face, that convince me that time had really passed since i had been gone. but even so, everything is just so damn the same. and it bungles up my thoughts because i can't decide what exactly about it is so... off?

maybe it's like i'm a fish, who has been put in a new pond and evolved, and then plopped back to the old pond. and now i'm this hybrid, really confused fish of old and new. i apologize; what a dumb metaphor. 

its so inexplicable, its frustrating.

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a record of the last couple of days:

found old ass manual camera and got a lens for 90$ (HAH). i love the beach and want to go into the water so. bad. sang to Brand New in Michael's new car. for a moment thought i reverted back to emo music tastes. miss that truck though. rediscovering Stars to be an excellent band. saw the movie Doubt, which was also excellent. Meyrl Strep is incredible. still need to see Benjamin Button, Slumdog, and that Clint Eastwood movie that's out. ate at Gypsy Den. Bought carrot cake. failed at making truffles. ITALY IN LESS THAN A WEEK. am pretty confused. 

oh and applying to internships is really irritating.